Archive for August, 2006

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ASSASSINATION: The Facts so Far

2006/08/31

From the Paris-sur-Mizouri Post.

Gripping the world’s attention is the double assassination of First-President Jean-François Young and the Empress Gacudai in Lyons-sur-Mizouri, Louisianne.

We know the following facts (as released by the Gendarmes and Republican Guard of Louisianne):

Young and the Empress died within 25 minutes of being shot.

Numerous arrests have been made, but no formal charges have yet been filed.

Reports suggest there may have been at least 2 shooters, and a police canvas of the area has uncovered three (3) different types of casings to date. One is confirmed to come from a NAL military rifle. This gives no credence to rumors of NAL involvement, as these rifles have been sold as Military Surplus for the better part of 20 years.

Citizens interviewed in and around Quiuxu Plaza have claimed anywhere from 2-5 shooters, but all agree there were at least two.

Current suspects in questioning include a man claiming to be an FLDS partisan, a disgruntled Alta-Californio farmer, an Ezoan national and three men from Les Plaines.

President Young will lie in state in the atrium of the National Assembly beginning Friday, September 1st, and the funeral will take place Monday, September 4th, in the morning.

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Newsday in Review: Aftermath

2006/08/29

11 Fructidor CCXIV 17:05 LST
Lyons-sur-Mizouri

In the city of Lyons-sur-Mizouri, along the shores of the Mizouri today, President Jean-François Young was assassinated and Empress Aico of Japan fatally wounded in an attack by what some believe to be an Alta Californian national. Other reports suggest that it was an attack by a Japanese citizen or citizens from the island of Ezo. It is unclear at the present time whether President Young or the Empress were collateral damage to the other’s assassination, or if it was indeed a dual assassination. Police are eagerly pursuing all leads at this time.

28 August, 2006 (11 Fructidor CCXIV) 23:10 NALST
New Amsterdaam

Lawrence Koenig Show Transcript:

“His death is a sad thing. He was a good man, even with them decimals and eek-yous. It’s a serious situation, for sure. And I make no light of it, but I tell thee, Larry, it’s dark in there.”

“Dark how, Mr. Sessions?”

“I’ll tell thee, Larry. It’s a cause t’them Blue Martians. Young wasn’t listening to their demands any longer, and I tell thee, they killed him for’t. You make a deal with them aliens, and you’d best keep it, I tell thee. Proof right here, today.”

12 Fructidor CCXIV 8:00 LST
Lyons-sur-Mizouri

Preliminary information has been leaked by investigators that there is a possible connection to the Progressive-Conservatives in a continuance of the Watergap Scandal that so rocked the NAL in recent years.

Additional information suggests that it could be an Alta Californian with a grudge, the same that tried to assassinate President Young in January.

Investigators in Japan say that this is either a move by Ezoan anti-monarchists against the Empress Gacudai, or the Yacuza in retribution for her Anti-Pegre legislation.

Further investigations are ongoing.

12 Fructidor CCXIV 9:30 LST
Lyons-sur-Mizouri

A young man from Les Plaines, a young Hervé Dieudonné Deschamps was arrested yesterday following the shootings, but after further investigation appears to have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Mr. Deschamps had come to Louisianna to buy a rifle for hunting due to the cheaper prices and lower taxes. While in the shop he heard of the visit of President Young and the Empress, and wishing to see them went out to watch them pass by. Once passed, he returned to the shop, gathered his purchase and began walking away, only to be arrested within a few blocks.

His name has been cleared and he has returned home to Les Plaines.

12 Fructidor CCXIV 10:30 LST
Télé-1 Toulouse, Louisianna

Thomas Horatio la Chappelle, renowned TV commentator from Louisianna announced on his show today his predictions for the conspiracy theories that will abound in the next hours following the double-assassination yesterday.

“I predict that these are the possibilities bound to become ‘gospel’ to conspiracy theorists within the next 48 hours:

* Mitterand’s party did it.
* The Yacuza did it.
* Those folks from East Primorye did it.
* Someone in Chancellor Aldendorf’s party was behind it.
* The Louisianna gendarmerie did it.
* The Bushes did it — after all they did everything else.

I’m not saying that any of them are correct. I haven’t researched the issue, and I’ll leave that to those who do it best, the Gendarmes. But I’m ’rounding up the usual suspects.’ I hope we’ll eventually figure out who did it, hopefully before the end of my lifetime.”

12 Fructidor CCXIV 12:00 LST
Paris-sur-Mizouri

Speaking from secure locations, Geoffroi Gastinois and the other members of the Council addressed Louisianne today.

“Our country was shocked yesterday,” Gastinois said, “but I say to you that our country is challenged at home and abroad: that it is our will that is being tried and not our strength; our sense of purpose and not our ability to achieve the course that President Young has set for us.”

“Until a new First-President is elected, I will do my best. The Council will do their best. That is all we can do. We ask for your help-and God’s.”

Speaking from Saint-Onge, Marie-Claire Gildersleeve added, “We live in a world that has narrowed into a neighborhood before it has broadened into a brotherhood. We must be careful in the next weeks, months and years as we come to terms with this assassination and what it means for the security of our nation and the world if a political party can do as it is suggested the Progressive-Conservatives of the North American League did.”

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Ouaren Gough Apprehended!

2006/08/29

August 29, 2006, Las Vegas

In a raid on the industrial complex of Las Vegas Ouaren Gough and his FLDS band were intercepted by Alta California forces. Some of the band managed to escape toward San Jorge de la Virgin (Saint George), but have been followed by Louisiannan air support. Those that were not subdued by the Louisiannan Air Force were intercepted and pacified by a contingent of Alta Californio militiamen.

There have been claims by FLDS supporters in Louisianna that it was an FLDS partisan that effected yesterday’s assassination, but none of the suspects arrested have expressed ties to the FLDS.

Gough and his surviving apostles are being transported to San Diego for trial at this time. Some suggest that he will not be executed, as he would become a martyr to the FLDS cause.

—La Voz Reporting–

Ouaren Gough Apprehended!

August 29, 2006

In a raid at El Complexo Industrial de Las Vegas, Ouaren Gough and his band of traitors were apprehended by Californio forces. A few escaped toward San Jorge de La Virgen , but were followed and apprehended by both Louisiannan Air Force men and Californio militiamen who recently formed to round up FLDS members working subversively in the Las Vegas area.

Surprisingly, all members have been apprehended, and have been shipped with high security to San Diego to await trial. Gough is quoted as saying “The FLDS is ordained by God. We will be victorious, and we will bring Alta California to its knees. We have many more supporters than you know. Deseret shall rise up against Alta California, it is God’s will!”

Speculation about the outcome of the trial is that Gough will indeed by executed for his treason against Alta California. His supporters in Louisianne appear to be few and far between. A poll conducted in the Lago Grande area suggest that an overwhelming 80% of people polled support execution.

“His followers would have murdered my husband and sons, and would have brought me and my daughters into slavery had we not been away visiting my mother in Los Arroyos. I want to see him swing for the terror and bloodshed he and his followers brought to Lago Grande.” said Teresa San Fermín.

Californio officials refuse to give a trial date, but it is assumed that it will happen within two weeks. Most analysts agree that Gough will be executed, but they have not ruled out the possibility that he and his followers will be sent to a maximum security prison somewhere in Alta California, and segregated from contact with each other. There is a wide rumor that a prison is being built especially for Gough and his followers on La Isla de Santa Barbara offshore from Alta California. If such rumors are true, it would make escape nearly impossible due to the frigidity of the waters, swift currents and remoteness of the island.

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Updated Louisiannan Events

2006/08/28

L’Hôpital Dieu, Lyons-sur-Mizouri, Louisianna 28 August, 2006, 3:00 LST

Martin DuPlessis, Assistant-Press Minister made the announcement just a few moments ago, stating, “Jean-François Young died at approximately 12:40, Louisianna Standard Time, today, here in Lyons-sur-Mizouri, Her Majesty the Emperor of Japan was also declared dead at 12:40 Louisianna Standard Time.”

When asked for more detail, DuPlessis said flatly, “I have no other details.” When asked about the location of the members of the Council, DuPlessis responded, “I do not know. At the moment, their movements are a secret and will be in the future.”

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ASSASSINATION!

2006/08/28

The First-President of Louisianna has been assassinated by at least one gunman in Lyons-sur-Mizouri, Louisianna. Her Majesty the Emperor of Japan was fatally wounded at the same time.

Jean-François Young was hit in the head and throat when three shots were fired at his open-topped car traveling through the Little Yamato district of Lyons-sur-Mizouri. The motorcade was traveling through the area of the city on its way to a luncheon with civic and cultural leaders.

The two world leaders were accompanied by their spouses, who were both uninjured following the attacks. There is no word from the Louisiannan Council regarding an interim successor to the First-Presidency. It is expected that the nation will face elections nearly immediately to fill the void.

The presidential party was driving from the Lyons-sur-Mizouri aerodrome to the Civic Centre when witnesses said shots were fired from the window of at least one building overlooking the road.

The First-President collapsed into Anaïs Michelle Young’s arms, who was heard to cry “Oh no”. Seconds later Her Majesty the Emperor was also fatally hit.

L’Etoile de Lyons-sur-Mizouri’s photographer Robert St. Jacques was in the motorcade close behind the leader’s car and heard the shots as it entered Quiùxù Plaza.

“As I looked up I saw a rifle being pulled back from a window – it might have been resting on the windowsill – I didn’t see a man,” he said.

Mr. Young’s limousine was driven at speed to L’Hôpital Dieu immediately after the shooting. The First-President and Empress were alive when admitted, but died at 1255 local time (1755 GMT) – 35 minutes after being shot.

Police Nationale and Republican Guard agents stormed the Lycée Warehousing Annex moments after the shots were fired and recovered a rifle with a telescopic sight, said to be the assassination weapon.

The mood of shock in the Louisianna was echoed by General-Moderator Gore. “This is terrible – I cannot find words,” he said.

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BREAKING NEWS FROM LOUISIANNA, PT. 2

2006/08/28

From St. Louis Local Television, airing across the NAL.

13:25 NALST 28 August, 2006

DAN CRONKITE, anchor:

SPECIAL REPORT: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, you’ll excuse me if I’m out of breath, but 10 or 15 minutes ago a tragic thing, from all indications at this point, has happened in the city of Lyons-sur-Mizouri. Let me quote to you this, and I-excuse me if I’m out of breath. A bulletin, this is from IBAP, ‘First-President Jean-François and Her Majesty The Emperor of Japan have been cut down by assassins bullets in the Little Yamato district of Lyons-sur-Mizouri. They were riding in an open automobile. The First-President, limp, held like a child in the arms of Mme. Anaïs Young was rushed with the Empress to L’Hôpital Dieu for urgent treatment.

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BREAKING NEWS FROM LOUISIANNA!!

2006/08/28

Les Plaines Radio Transcript, 28 August, 2006
(As broadcast by a radio station from Les Plaines at 12:00 LST)

HOWARD MORGENSTERN reporting:

The First-President’s motorcade is now turning onto the Rue Honxu, and it will be only a matter of minutes before they arrive at the Civic Centre for their luncheon today. I was on the river freeway earlier this morning and it was jam-packed with spectators waiting their chance to see both the First-President and Her Majesty the Emperor of Japan.

It-It appears that something has happened to the motorcade…

I repeat; something has happened in the motorcade route. There’s numerous people running up the hill here in Quiùxù Plaza alongside Rue Honxu. Several gendarmes are running toward the motorcade as I speak…stand-by!

Just a moment please! Something has happened in the motorcade route! Please stand-by.

L’Hôpital Dieu-There has been a shooting-L’Hôpital Dieu has been advised to standby to treat a severe gunshot wound. I repeat a shooting in the motorcade in the Little Yamato district. L’Hôpital Dieu has been advised to standby to treat a severe gunshot wound. The First-President’s car is now going past me.

It is driving at a very fast rate of speed, exceeding the speed limits, leaving the motorcade behind. Republican Guards are standing upright in the limousine, armed with sub-machine guns. It appears that someone in the limousine might have been hit by the gunfire.

The First-Presidential car is coming up now; we know it is the First-Presidential car. I can see the pink suit that Mme. Young was wearing. A Republican Guard is spread-eagled over the top of the car. We understand that Her Majesty the Emperor and the Prince-Consort are in the car, as well as Mme. Young.

We can’t see who has been hit, if anyone has been hit! But apparently something is wrong here, something is terribly wrong here.

I’m following the motorcade en route to L’Hôpital Dieu. We’re on the road to L’Hôpital Dieu, with the Republican Guard still spread-eagled over the First-President, his wife, the Empress and the Prince Consort. At this point, it looks like it could have been one, or two, or all four occupants of the car who have been victims of the shots fired-we don’t know.