Archive for July, 2006

h1

The Bridal Shower of the Century (VANITY FAIRE)

2006/07/31

Bright lights, red carpet, and hundreds of beautiful women. It sounds more like a movie screening, but this was the gala bridal shower of Princess Aquico of Micasa.

The guest list read like a who’s who, with famous persons coming from around the world. Among the stars, royals, politicos and nobles were many from the League of Noble Emigrees, including Nicola Vlas-Florea. Invitations were sent to the royal houses of Europe, however few actually attended, although many sent their warmest personal regards and fine gifts.

Surprise attendees were Anaïs Michelle Bouvier Young, First Lady of Louisianna and Anne-Laure, her daughter, a college friend of Princess Aquico.

When questioned about her attendance, Mme Young proudly announced, “Our son Frankie and daughter Anne-Laure have made good friends with Antoine II and Aquico. It’s only fitting that we support their fine friends in this happy occasion. We wish them all the best on behalf of Louisianna.”

The eight hour affair included spa treatments, dancing, fine dining and a cultural showcase by the Ainu people of Japan.

Articles in this special edition include…

h1

Labor Leader Arrested

2006/07/29

9 Thermidor CCXIV (July 28, 2006)

Shrèveport, Saint-Onge, Louisianne

The private residence of Jacques Chevalier was raided today by Louisiannan Gendarmes. While many of the staff were arrested, M. Chevalier was no where to be found. After extensive searching a secret passage was discovered, leading to an underground car-park filled with M. Chevalier’s fleet of cars.

Later that afternoon the elusive M. Chevalier was cornered near the Tejan border and arrested on charges of bribery, embezzlement and money laundering. This bold move according to an anonymous source has been years in the planning and was initiated by Prefect Gildersleeve.

Reprisals for M. Chevalier’s arrest have been near immediate as government offices in Baton Rouge were attacked, strafed with bullet-fire. Similar attacks were brought against the City-Hall in New Orleans.

M. Chevalier will be arraigned by closed circuit television early Monday. As he is a flight risk, many suspect he will be held without bail, and his arraignment will be held via closed-circuit television.

h1

Tejas Unrest

2006/07/28

July 26, 2006
SANTA FE

Santa Fe’s downtown district was flooded with a small group of protesters who have come out against the proposed merger of Credit Louisiannaise and tbe Banco Nacional de Tejas. Most are locals who are against the idea of any attachment to Louisianna, however some are ex-officials at the bank, laid-off as the merger has proceeded toward the close date later this year.

This has brought up renewed questions as to the legality of the merger, but the Parliament and the Solms-Braunfels have supported it whole-heartedly, feeling that it will be a boon to the otherwise crippled economy of Tejas.

h1

Ouaren Gough speaks out

2006/07/28

July 27, 2006

Ouaren Gough has announced through a recording that was delivered to an Oregonian news office near the Serpentine River that “this war will be unending. God is with us and we will fight to the end.”

He went on to further say, “Hostility toward Alta-California is a religious duty, and we hope to be rewarded for it by God … I am confident that faithful Saints throughout Deseret will be able to end the legend of the Alta-Californio rule.”

Gough threatened reprisals against Alta-Californios, saying, “Every Californio is an enemy to us. We will decimate them.”

Speaking of their rights to the lands of Deseret, Gough made it clear that martyrdom was not something he or any other FLDS feared. “In our religion, there is a special place in the hereafter for those who participate in a war protecting their homes, their wives, children, and religion. We will be at the right hand of God, right next to Captain Moroni.” Behind him in psuedo-hebraic script is what mormonism specialist identified a “title of liberty”, representing the cloak that was written on by Captain Moroni, a righteous general that defeated oppressors through the grace of God against great odds.

Regional analysts agree that this war will not end any time soon.

–UPDATE–

In a second video, Ouaren’s brother and second in command, Abel Gough stood forth to demand reprisals against all non-FLDS in the region, quoting from 1 Samuel, “Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.”

h1

Louisiannan Support to Alta California part 3

2006/07/28

July 23, 2006

While the Ministry members celebrated their “Pioneer Day”, celebrating the arrival of their ancestors from Louisianna, President Jean-François Young and Arnoldo Schwarzenegger met in Tremble, Alpes-Argentés today to discuss the scope of the insurgence led by Ouaren Gough.

Dirigibles with Spretu fighters and officers from Louisianna serving as military advisors have arrived. The first regiments of Alta-California’s armies have begun arriving via the desert road that passes through Las Vegas.

July 24, 2006

A major air strike against the FLDS stronghold of Riu Verde has destroyed the FLDS temple and church headquarters, as well as stockpiles of weapons, some of which is reported to have been chemical in nature. Clashes in Scipio and Panguitch between Alta Californio forces and FLDS have resulted in large numbers of casualties for the FLDS, and rumors of rape of surviving women has been propagated. The government in San Diego is investigating these claims.

h1

IB: SNORING FRANKIE? Pt. 2

2006/07/21

BOSTON EXPOSITOR
July 12, 2006
Boston, MASSACHUSETTS

ERRATA

The original story about Frankie Young and Antoine II Bourbon-Le Moyne made it appear that Antoine II was on a date without his fiancée, Princess Aquico of Micasa. This was not the case and the princess was in attendance at the club. She was not arrested with the group, but remained behind and contacted Louis-Antoine Bourbon-Le Moyne who was instrumental in getting the legal air cleared.

The Expositor regrets an intimation of infidelity or indiscretion on the part of M. Antoine II Bourbon-Le Moyne.

h1

IB: SNORING FRANKIE?

2006/07/20

BOSTON EXPOSITOR
July 10, 2006
Boston, MASSACHUSETTS

Onlookers were shocked as a troop of SNORist soldiers marched from their limousine into Costume Night at Plush, one of the hottest clubs in Boston. Among the crowd? Antoine II Bourbon-Le Moyne and his, some would say, lap-dog, Frankie Young, son of Louisiannan First-President Jean-François Young.

The group was raucous and spoke with thick Russian accents the whole evening, but were otherwise well-behaved in this upscale club. The furor ignited when the group were confronted at 2:00 AM, NEST outside the club by a local group of Anti-Snorists who proceeded to taunt and otherwise harass the college students as they waited for their limo.

According to reports, the taunts escalated, becoming more and more directed at the Prince in Exile and Young and their dates. When one of the drunken Anti-Snorists made a grab for one of the female companions Young threw a punch, and a general fight broke out, and it was only ended by the arrival of local constables who arrested the entire group.

Young was released on his own recognizance as were his compatriots when the investigation proved there was no fault on their parts. Calls from Anti-SNOR groups across the NAL and Louisianne have requested that Young apologize personally for his distasteful choice, but to present only a family spokesman has expressed the family’s apologies.

This is not unexpected, as Frankie’s father, Jean-François Young was known to be a carouser of women and general trouble-maker in his college days, being arrested for disorderly conduct several times, yet each time being released on his own recognizance.

h1

New Amsterdam Times, Editorial:

2006/07/19

Damon Ratcliffe, guest commentator from the Lyons-sur-Mizouri “Etoile”

Governments in the west, watch out. The times of colonialism are, evidently, far from over. In today’s Warsine Life (Wita Warsinie), a story announced that a Governor-General has been appointed for the RTC Occupied Zone of South Florida.

Venedic West Africa is ruled by a Governor-General. Are we to have a Venedic South-Florida? As a former Floridian, this makes me cringe. I was hopeful that we might actually see peace in the region. As nice as Louisianna has been in my sejour of 25 years, I would like to return to the land of my birth.

As it stands we’ll have competing forces in the Caribbean Basin. If the government the RTC establishes is as weak and inefficient as their occupation force has been, there will soon be a power-vacuum and only a matter of time before another junta fills the gap and we revisit Florida-Caribbea and the horrors it stands for.

It’s a good thing I’m not General-Moderator. I’d declare an invasion today and secure the whole of the peninsula. The last thing we need is a renewed colonialism. That ship has sailed. It’s time to support the Irish plan of a highly decentralized federal government of South Florida.

Floridians chafe under the rule of strangers. Despite all the good news that makes it to international light, it has been tough going for the Irish, and only in recent months have the Floridians come to trust them to honor their word. When the Irish bow out gracefully, and West South Florida comes to its own, what will Veneda face? Even the casual observer can see that Floridians know how to fight.

While I’m drinking myself blind tonight I’ll raise a glass to Aldendorf and his bumbling, misguided government. With the failure looming ahead of them, they’ll need all the well-wishing they can get.

—–

Damon Ratcliffe has written several guest columns for the Times, and is currently a guest professor of journalism at Nieuw Amsterdam University.

h1

A Bridal Shower to Remember (VANITY FAIRE)

2006/07/17

BOSTON, Massachussets

July 17, 2006

A gala event will unfold one week from tonight in the grand ballroom of the five-star Hotel Marlowe. Princess Aquico of Micasa, cousin of the reigning Emperor of Japan will host an exclusive Bridal Shower event, inviting the heads of royal families, dignitaries and some of her select friends.

When she first appeared in Boston, few knew her station in life, and she was quick to make friends. It was only after she garnered attention with her high-profile engagement to Antoine II Bourbon-Le Moyne, Prince and King in Exile of France and Louisianna that her title of Princess was known.

The event is expected ot last all day, with luxury spa treatments for the attendees, and it is rumored that a good number of the Japanese Imperial family will attend, as well.

Vanity Faire has been given exclusive rights to cover this event, and will publish a special edition just covering the incredible events of this spectacular event.

h1

The Burning Ruins of Salt City

2006/07/12

Ciudad Galilea, ALTA CALIFORNIA

July 10, 2006

Today, much of Salt City lays in burning ruins. On July 9th, militants of the FLDS descended upon the city, setting it ablaze, and abducting the women and young girls. Anyone who stood in the way of the terrorists were brutally murdered or mutilated. They also attacked religious structures, including the Iglesia de San Lázaro, Convento de San Fermín, and the Capilla de San Pedro de Galilea, the original Catholic church in Salt City. Several monks were found murdered, others were found missing eyelids and lips. The nuns at the Convento de San Fermín were taken.

“It’s frightening, until now they were more like one of the gangs which pass through here from time to time, but this time they’ve gone too far. It’s disgusting what these perverted pigs have done. They should be hanged publicly for this atrocity. My brother’s wife and his daughter were taken like hunting tropies. Fortunately my wife and I were visting relatives in Las Vegas but out house is in ashes.” said Porfirio Murrieta.

There have been widespread protests and calls throughout Alta California, Montrei, and even Tejas for the execution of the terrorists. “We must stop these people. For too long the government and local authorities have had their hands tied trying to control the region. It’s time to take action.” said Rosario Sevilla.

Others blame the government for what they say is inaction. “For decades, the government has forgotten us, leaving us with the bare minimum of protection while it fought Tejas in the southland. Now that the war with Tejas is over, where is our salvation?” asked Joaquin Murrieta.

Survivors were taken to Ciudad Galilea and treated for injuries at the city hospital. The government has begun to increase fortification of the city, and installing military checkpoints outside of the city and nearby towns.

Territorial Governor Rodrigo Vazsquez commented “We need all the help we can get from the federal government. These pedophiles must be stopped. It’s time the government of Alta California step in and try to control these people and other groups like them rather than just taking a defensive stance.”

President Schwarzenegger has called for increased military presence in Deseret citing the possibility that these attacks could increase. “These are not just murders and abductions. These are an offense to the Californio people, they are crimes against humanity. I would like to extend a call to our neighbors for help. We will accept any aid offered, as this incident could inflame areas even outside of the so called Deseret region.”

President Schwarzenegger is expected to meet with President Young of Louisianne later this week.