Archive for February, 2006


Television Haute Cuisine?


Asahi Ximbun, Gacudai 3, Itxigaçu 19 (February 19, 2006)

Famed Actor Tacexi Caga has taken his toughest role to date, that of Grand-Orator Caga (主宰) in a new television series to be aired in the Japanese Empire, Montrei and Louisianne.

This new series titled “Ryòli no teçudjin”, “Chefs d’Acier” or “Jefes de Asero” is set in the “Stade de Cuisine”, where two world-famous chefs, one in the service of Grand-Orator Caga, and a challenger from anywhere in the world face off in a 75 minute cooking challenge. At the start of each episode, Grand-Orator Caga will reveal a secret ingredient. In the episodes that have already filmed they have used “teva” nuts (pinion pine nuts from Western Louisianne/Eastern Alta California), Sea Elephant steaks, and river eel.

As of yet, no Helvetian chefs have applied for consideration, and it is unknown if Grand-Orator Caga or the production company will seriously consider any Helvetian applications. When asked about this,
Caga quipped “We’re not the Colosseum, after all! We don’t want any of our participants dead!”


Suez Canal Blocked


CAIRO, EGYPT (08/02/06)

The Suez Canal was blocked for the second day as a Cantonese cargo ship had become wedged across the canal as it traveled from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean. Four tugs have been dispatched to move the ship, but traffic is stalled in and out of the canal zone.

This comes on the heels of the death the Khedive, at a time when the nation is in mourning. The canal is said to be one of the largest sources of revenue for Egypt, garnering nearly £700,000 each day from traffic.

The Cantonese cargo ship has blocked the flow of goods across the canal and the money into Egypt’s coffers. Egyptian officials suggest that it is because of the strong winds experienced recently that the ship became turned. This bottlenecks the nearly 8% of world sea trade which passes through the canal.


Convention Center Collapse in RTC


2 February, 2006: PINIAT, RTC

A pigeon exposition was destroyed as the roof of an RTC Convention Center collapsed in the city of Piniat, near the Bohemian border. Among the missing was leader of the Oficz Dziefięcy Statu (Office for the Defense of the State) Roman Kościołany. Original death tolls were feared in the hundreds, but have been revised to 65 in the days following the collapse.

Mr. Roman Kościołany was found safe in a neighborhood bar-bistro where he had retired for dinner. Investigations are being coordinated between the local police and the ODP, as this event could be perceived as an attempt on the life of Mr. Kościołany. It is more likely that the structure foundered under the weight of snow, which is heavily blanketing all of Europe.


Louisiannan Graft Investigation Continues


12 Pluviôse, CCXIV

In response to Marie-Claire Gildersleeve’s (Prefect, Saint-Onge) letter decrying the seeming “kleptocracy” of Louisianne, First-President Jean-François Young and the other members of the council have actively begun investigations.

On 1 Pluviôse CCXIV a national anti-graft bill was passed by the National Assembly and the Council. This new law requires that all persons seeking public office from An CCXIV forward will submit to an investigation of their private lives for graft. The Anti-Graft bill describes in detail the criterion that the Committee is to use in judging cases of Graft.

Opponents originally decried the broad-aspect of the bill, as it would allow political opponents to discover any and all misdeeds. However, this fear was allayed as a Committee of Council-appointed representatives would review all cases, and they would be held to strict non-disclosure agreements, the penalties for which are quite severe, allowing for 10 years in prison, should they divulge any information about a politically aspiring citizen.

“It is our hope that this new law will help bring an end to the graft that has saddled our country for so long.” President Young said. “We of the council further set ourselves open for investigation by this same select committee, that our constituents may feel assured of their leaders.”

Currently 50 MP’s throughout the nation of Louisianne have been removed or have removed themselves from office, causing quite a stir as a great number of elections are currently being held to replace those MP’s who have vacated their office.